I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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