My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
