I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
