Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
