I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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