I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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