You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
