The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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