Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
