you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
