Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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