i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
