This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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