Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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