I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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