Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
