her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
