When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
