mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize