I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
