i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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