just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
