I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
