Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
