Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
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