You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
