I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
nutella sex= disaster
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
