Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
