just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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