I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
