shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
