I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My feet surprised me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
