the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
