absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
