it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
