There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You smell like stripper and shame
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
