You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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