I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm both gender and math confused
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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