I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
