did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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