Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
