I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
