Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
