im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize