The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
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