You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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