The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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