This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize