I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
