So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
