it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
