How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
