About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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