you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
