They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
