No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
