there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize