Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
