Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
