The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
