Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
