Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Your cock deserves a montage
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
