Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
