I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
