my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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