So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
